Racial Tourette's Syndrome Strikes Washington

Former White House physician Dirk Digglerstein published an alarming medical article that describes a new, contagious mental disorder that has emerged in Washington which he coined-- Racial Tourette's Syndrome. Digglerstein describes the hallmark characteristics of this disorder as "an irrational urge to scream racism or call an opponent racist when someone or an entity disagrees with the policy of the president or the Demonicrat party." The doctor goes on to say that "this syndrome becomes worse as the politician is confronted with facts or logic that debunk a failed policy, or worse yet, may shed light on their history of poor performance. When confronted in this manner the politician feels cornered and tends to panic, resorting to the tried but true technique of introducing a complete non-sequitor like racism into the discussion."

He goes on to describe in more detail the spread of this malady: "This peculiar condition is not limited to politicians but has also taken root in journalism and is rampant among the hollywood elite." Digglerstein went on to cite Janine Moronalo's inane reference to black conservatives suffering from "Stockholm Syndrome" when confronted with their opposition to government spending as a case in point. He also cited MSLSD journalist Keith Uberstupid's incessant, frothing-at-the-mouth rants against the alleged "racist undercurrent" behind any and all tea party activities as another example of this phenomenon. "At it's worse," according to the doctor, "this disorder creates a paranoid state where an imagined enemy perpetrates racist acts that have little or no basis in reality. " Dr. Digglerstein cited the example of the alleged racial epithets being cast at Demonicrat lawmakers as they walked in to cast their votes on Healthcare. "I'm certain in their minds these things happened," the doctor commented, "but there is no evidence to support their claims despite the fact that it was a well recorded event. Sadly, such paranoid delusions are the hallmark symptoms of this disorder."

"We may have reached our darkest hour when Faux News was accused by former Demonicrat Party Leader, Howard Duntz, of being racist for jumping the gun on the Shirley Nimrod story. When confronted by reporter Wallace Christopher with the fact that the White House had fired her before the news agency had run anything on the story, Howard merely ramped up the vitriol before running madly from the room calling for his binky."

Doctor Digglerstein also cited an internal memo from Demonicrat strategist extraordinaire, James Crassville, as another factor in the recent growth of this disorder. Crassville pushed this method out to his rank and file: "As bailouts fail to create jobs and crazed federal spending swells our deficits to astronomical levels it is critical to remember that if you find yourself in situations where you can't duck or dodge the facts... then the next step is to demonize your opponent as a bunch of hate mongering racists. If that fails to win the day-- repeat. Do whatever it takes not to talk about our performance in regard to unemployment nor our take-over of healthcare; nor should you talk about how we forced the taxpayer to pay for failed businesses and banks; nor should you talk about the economic implications of the pending expiration of the Babushka tax cuts. Anyone who asks you about these issues in any substantial way is an ardent racist."

When asked what treatment exists to remedy this disorder Digglerstein offered this one word answer-- elections.

"I used to work for them," he said, shaking his head sadly, "but they are too far gone to help. Trust me, the best treatment for them would be to take them away from the endless supply of other people's money. I think if they were forced to try and run a business in the economic environment that they created then their prognosis for recovery would be greatly improved."