Wednesday, June 1, 2011

New Immigration Policy Proposed: "Forget the Alamo!"

The President of the United States of Dysfunction announced today that his country should go back to the borders of 1848 with Mexico as a starting point in negotiations for Comprehensive Immigration Reform. He stated that it was "only fair for America to do what it was asking Israel to do with the Palestinians." The Prime Minister of Israel, Benjamin Jusgotscruhud, vigorously voiced his disapproval of both policies but managed to give the President a backhanded compliment, "It is nice to see that the President is willing to screw over his own people to the same degree he is the people of Israel. I think it is, if nothing else, philosophically consistent on his part, an equal application of of very bad policy if you will. Let's just say that I respectfully disagree."

Apparently the Prime Minister was not alone as the illegal immigrant's right group Las Racistas protested such a move as harmful to immigrants because crossing the Mississippi is a "helluva of lot harder to cross than the Rio Grande," one member said. "Why would we want to expand the hell hole that is called Mexico into California, Texas, and Arizona? Why is the President making us have to go so far to get out of this place? That is way too far to go." This opposition from illegal immigrant right's groups caught the Casa Blanca staff off guard, as the Press Spokesman claimed it was only a starting point for negotiations "in a spirit of fairness."

"Like the President's policy with Israel, this is only meant to be a starting point for negotiations intended to give more leverage to the side which lost an unjust war in the past. Our war with Mexico was imperialistic in nature and we intend to make amends to the Mexican people with this new legislation for immigration reform," said Casa Blanca Press Secretary Pancho Villa III.

When asked what the legislation would be called Pancho smiled and raised his fist in the air: "Forget the Alamo!"