Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Multiple Politicians Injured Patting Themselves on the Back After Debt Deal Signed into Law

A rash of politicians suffered athletic related injuries today after the President signed the debt deal into law. Most of the injuries were self inflicted according to Caucasian House physician, Sten Johanson, who was quick to point out that the injuries appeared to be curiously bi-partisan in nature. "These injuries were the result of excessive self-congratulatory activity, known in layman's terms as 'patting oneself on the back'".
Many of the politicians had sports related alibis, including the President himself, who claimed he had injured his elbow shooting hoops. The Speaker admitted he "tweaked a hammy" sprinting to the microphone following the President's speech although one staffer sheepishly admitted that the Speaker had originally injured the hamstring trying to "distance himself" from the Tea Party conservatives earlier in the week.
The Majority Whip claimed he injured his elbow trying to "scratch an itch" on the middle of his back. This alibi enjoyed bi-partisan support as politicians from both parties released statements claiming to have injured themselves trying to scratch an itch on their respective backs.
Caucasian House Spokesman, Jay Cornhole, confronted a skeptical press corps on this subject. "None of the injuries were severe, fortunately, and we believe this is another good sign that both sides can come together and form a consensus."

1 comment:

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