Wednesday, February 23, 2011

New "Statue of Entitlement" to be Erected in Illinois

Governor Pat McShameluss of the formerly great state of Illinois, declared today that he would make good on his paradoxical 2% spending increase in a year that his state hovered near bankruptcy by "investing" in great public works. His first project would erect a new American Colossus that would exceed the Statue of Liberty in size, grandeur and cost.

"Our next great public works project will be an ode to the entitlement culture that has successfully extracted so much over the years while accomplishing so very little. The only product this culture is capable of producing is political power. I mean, look at me, I only won a couple of counties and here I am today in the governor's mansion. It is with this in mind and with great humility that I think it appropriate to erect this monument to entitlement in Crook County. This great Statue of Entitlement will outweigh the Statue of Liberty by several thousand metric tons and represents a bold, new hope for those who want to do as little as possible and still live the American Dream on the sweat equity of tax payers from the private sector. It is also our way of saying bring me your tired, your poor, your AWOL legislators and deadbeat teachers, your union goons. We have a home for you in Illinois."

When asked how he managed to fund such a project for a state that was actually much worse off than Indiana (one of the few states in the union in the black) and even Wisconsin, the Governor smiled furtively and gestured at the mock up of the 'Statue of Entitlement'. "See how big she is?! We've got numbers and our Tax Payers are too busy working the fields to know any better. Don't worry we treat them nice enough and they are very docile. You see, I stuck them with the bill when I raised their taxes 67% this year in the middle of the night during the Holidays. Nary a peep out of them! And here's the other little secret I'm trying to teach my fugitive colleagues from Wisconsin and Indiana. Elections do have consequences... except when we lose. That, my friends, is how we do business in Illinois."

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