Thursday, February 17, 2011

White House Proposes "We-Say-What's-Fair Doctrine"

The White House announced today that it would seek regulation of the air ways in an effort to facilitate "civil discourse" and "more balanced content" in radio and TV broadcasts. The new press secretary, Ron Heebahobba stated that the President thought it wasn't fair that conservative talk radio and Faux news were more commercially viable than Smear America (a failed left-wing talk radio) and didn't require tax payer funding like National Liberal Radio in order to survive.

"The President thinks that the American consumer does not know what is good for them or fair. So it is in their best interest for the president to mandate fairness on the airways in the same spirit that he has mandated health care. Just like Health Care Deform, unelected bureaucrats will be in charge of what is "fair" and "balanced," commented Heebahobba.

When asked about the name of the new regulation the new Press Secretary laughed and said, "We were going to package this initiative with the First Lady's anti-obesity campaign and call it the 'Shut up Conservatives and Eat Your Vegetables Campaign' but opted instead for the 'We Say What's Fair Doctrine'.
In the tradition of his predecessor, Heebahobba found himself to be the only one laughing at his joke. "Come on, now," he offered, nervously clearing his throat, "We knew that name wouldn't be very palatable... so we changed it to Fairness. Okay? Everyone wants to be fair right?"

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